Fleeting Feelings

Have you ever just felt lost? Unmotivated? Life just passes along, day after day, and you feel kinda stuck in this endless cycle of solemnity. The weeks start to blend into one big lump of church, work, evening routines, and sleep. Bible reading feels bleak. Prayer feels like you’re talking to a wall. But life just continues, and won’t stop, and these feelings not only persist but seem to compound and overwhelm.

I wonder what it was like for Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. I wonder what it was like for him on the cross. Does he understand these feelings? Did he wrestle with these overwhelming thoughts of doubt, anxiety, depression, and loneliness?

It is in these seasons I have to remember that truth is grounded not on my worries, or thoughts, or feelings, or fears, but on my Sovereign God and His holy Word. My sinful flesh is prone to wander, look for satisfaction and joy elsewhere in the world, and let my current circumstances guide my daily steps.

The call to repentance is not only seeing the evil of my own flesh, but looking away from myself towards the One who promises eternal life and joy no matter the circumstances. And then trust and follow Him.

Sometimes it is really hard. Sometimes I don’t feel like it. Sometimes giving up, turning to the world, and running full speed at sin would be easier.

But Hebrews 12:1-2 is the truth in the midst of these fleeting feelings:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

-PJH