The Stale Repetition of Life
As I think about the work week ahead I am overwhelmed with a sense of discontentment and endless cycles. Every day feels and looks the same. Work in and work out, eat lunch, eat dinner, kiss the family goodnight, and then force myself to stay awake as long as possible because the day felt pointless and unsuccessful. Maybe something significant will happen to cap the day at 11pm? 12? 2? I don't know, but every night ends the same with being passed out on the couch with the same thoughts of mundane living, waking up at 2 in the morning only to crawl in bed and start everything all over again in a few hours. Somehow, in this mediocre cycle I feel more exhausted than ever before. Though I am sitting down on my drive to work, at my desk in the office, on my drive home from work, at the dining table eating dinner, on the floor playing with my boy, and on the couch watching tv with my wife, my body and mind feel more tired and worn out than I have ever experienced. Why is that? I have never been so inactive in my life, while at the same time completely and utterly wiped.
Been thinking about contentment the last few weeks and it has been extremely challenging. How can I be content with what God has given me and where God has placed me to serve, while I desire to be elsewhere fulfilling different callings? How can I pursue faithful obedience and servanthood in the various contexts God has in front of me right now, while my mind is constantly wishing the entire landscape of life was transformed? The most recent question I have been wrestling with is how do I live in a kingdom where Jesus Christ is Lord, King, and Savior, instead of my own wishes, desires, and wants? Salvation is found in no other name besides the name of Jesus Christ, therefore He must sit on the throne of my heart, not any other god or even myself.
When I wake up to the alarm clock going off tomorrow morning, and the thoughts of dreading work and life as it currently stands immediately flood my brain, how am I called to live the day as Christ is Lord and Savior over the universe? How would my attitude change? Would contentment not grow as I recognize this life is not primarily about myself, but about the exaltation and admiration of the King? Am I not called to die to myself daily, putting away all selfish desires and wants and lusts of the flesh, so that as I surrender more to the Lord, He would transform my heart to love and serve Him all the more? Maybe the mundane would turn to joy. Maybe the dreadful would turn to anticipation. Maybe the inner thoughts of worry and anxiety and frustration would turn to bold proclamation about the One who can turn endless cycles of discontentment and pride to fruitful lives of humility and peace and freedom.
Praise be to God who takes wayward sinners, introduces them to Jesus, and empowers them by the Spirit to bear much fruit even in the wearisome moments of the week.
PJH
