Hello,
It has been a while since I have posted. There are two reasons for this. As I said in my previous post, I have been overwhelmed with life recently. The second reason, though, is the catalyst to writing this post. The Lord has been taking me on a deep journey over the past few months. I am in a particular class at the seminary right now having to do with Spiritual Theology, and this class has opened my eyes to the depth of myself that I have not been forced to explore before. As the Psalmist at the end of Psalm 139 declares, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” This passage has been the theme verse for my journey with the Spirit the last two months, and there is one particular insight I want to share with all of you.
You are in Christ. Your life is hidden in Christ.
That is it.
You are not a parent. You are not a child. You are not an electrician. You are not a pastor. You are not a husband. You are not a wife. You are not a liar. You are not an honest person. Etcetera, Etcetera, Etcetera…
You are In Christ.
My life has been defined by my roles, my accomplishments, my sins, and my occupation. However defining myself primarily through these things has only led to disappointment. I will never be the father I want to be. I will never be the teacher I want to be. I will never be the husband I want to be. At least not permanently. If I designate the ethos of my life around these things, I will ultimately slip into a life of moralism: defining goodness by my own success. The Preacher in Ecclesiastes says even wisdom and righteousness is ultimately vanity if it is set as the basis for our lives.
The funny thing is that these are all things I already knew, so why have these truths been so impactful lately? The answer is in the depth to which these truths should descend into our souls. In my deepest failures, I am in Christ. How quickly do I react to failures at work, in my marriage, or in my parenting with a quick “I have to do better next time.” This is in and of itself a moralistic way to look at failure. Instead of letting the depths of my sin and failure drive me to the equal depths of grace, I try to conquer in my own willpower. But that is the beauty of our gospel. No matter the depth, Christ’s identity with us goes deeper. God knows our depths far better than we know them. He is not surprised when we utterly fail, for he already knew our capacity to fail. And he still chose to call us his “Beloved.”
Therefore, our first reaction to failure, to sin, cannot be to think of how we will do better next time. It cannot be resignation to the guilt and shame that come. It must be to “fly to the cross” as Luther said to remind ourselves of our identity in Christ. We are Christ’s Beloved.
This goes further than just a therapy for times of failure. This means I can be truly honest with God about the depths to which my depravity goes. Instead of fearing the broken parts of my soul, I can explore my soul with the God who already knows it, and chose me anyway. No matter how depraved, I am still Christ’s Beloved. No matter my failures at work or in my personal life, I am still Christ’s Beloved. This is where the fruit of the Christian life can truly begin. Not in my striving but in the reminder of who I am already.
I am hidden in Christ.
-NR
